Really our day to day life can be boiled down to
choices, choices, choices
Can we really have it all??
What is the choice?
The choice is that we want God's best!! We want to align ourselves with God's Word , through our humility and obedience to what He speaks to us and what His Word tells us.
Where do you begin?
Target your attention to some place in these chapters that needs your care.
I want to encourage each one of you to make your marriage a priority. This often does not come naturally to most women; most of us will prioritize our children above our husbands. Now at times, their will be moments when our children do need our full attention and priority. But, the overwhelming attitude in our homes has to be that our husbands are the top priority. How can we do this??? through date nights, making hubby feel special, making yourself available for sex, taking care of yourself, valuing what he values, going to a sporting event with him, building him up about his job. There are endless ways to speak that love and priority to him. Think and pray about what speaks love to your husband....then do it!!!!
Speak this over yourself from Deut. 30:19
Today, God has given Jaime the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I will choose life, that me and my descendants might live.
Don't forget to look over and answer the Reflection Questions at the end of the Chapter, as well as the First Steps on p. 222.
Ladies, we have done it! We are all the way through the book, The Beautiful Wife. I hope you have enjoyed the book and feel like you have grown through reading it. I would love to hear your thoughts on the book.....I hope it has blessed you and your marriages!!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Chapter Eleven....Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother
Ladies, being a wife and a mother are the 2 of the most challenging and important causes there are. There is nothing in this world that you do that would have a greater eternal impact than to love your husbands well, and in turn, love your children. I want to preface this chapter by saying I have (nor does Sandy) no agenda to rattle you working moms and pit us against one another. This chapter is simply to help you value your great role as a wife and mother. This has been my life verse and I know every woman reading this can apply this to however you spend your days.
And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him. Col 3:17
The Professional Wife's Strategy
*Talk to your boss-God!!
*Determine a vision for your role as wife
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education
*Find a mentor
The Professional Mother's Strategy for Success
* Establish unity with your colleague (your hubby)
~mutual respect
~resolving differences
*Talk to your boss-God!
*Determine a vision concerning your children
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education-remember when Sandy is referring to an education, she is not simply saying "get a college degree, etc", but surround yourselves with resources, books, sermons, cd's, etc that are in your "area" aka parenting, wifedom!! Jason's grandma is very complimentary of my parenting style and often asks "How do you know to do all that?". And frankly, I wasn't raised this way, so it wasn't "caught" growing up. But, I have a desire to raise my kids God's way, so that means reading my Bible to see what God says, reading books by respected Christian authors on how to navigate this road of parenting. We have chosen to raise our children around friends who choose to parent very similarly. I ask other moms whom I respect and admire how they handle similar situations. THIS is how you educate yourself.....
*Find a mentor-this is SO important and God tells us in Titus 2:3-5 that the older women are to come alongside the younger women
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God
Finally, ladies, speak this over yourself in the coming days:
My children arise and call me blessed; my husband also, and he praises me: “Many women do noble things, but I have surpassed them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
There is power in our words!!
Please, again look over those Reflection Questions and First steps located on p. 215. Please have our final chapter, Chapter 12, Choosing God's Best by our next serving time on June 16th. We will be wrapping up our study in 2 weeks!!
And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him. Col 3:17
The Professional Wife's Strategy
*Talk to your boss-God!!
*Determine a vision for your role as wife
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education
*Find a mentor
The Professional Mother's Strategy for Success
* Establish unity with your colleague (your hubby)
~mutual respect
~resolving differences
*Talk to your boss-God!
*Determine a vision concerning your children
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education-remember when Sandy is referring to an education, she is not simply saying "get a college degree, etc", but surround yourselves with resources, books, sermons, cd's, etc that are in your "area" aka parenting, wifedom!! Jason's grandma is very complimentary of my parenting style and often asks "How do you know to do all that?". And frankly, I wasn't raised this way, so it wasn't "caught" growing up. But, I have a desire to raise my kids God's way, so that means reading my Bible to see what God says, reading books by respected Christian authors on how to navigate this road of parenting. We have chosen to raise our children around friends who choose to parent very similarly. I ask other moms whom I respect and admire how they handle similar situations. THIS is how you educate yourself.....
*Find a mentor-this is SO important and God tells us in Titus 2:3-5 that the older women are to come alongside the younger women
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God
Finally, ladies, speak this over yourself in the coming days:
My children arise and call me blessed; my husband also, and he praises me: “Many women do noble things, but I have surpassed them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
There is power in our words!!
Please, again look over those Reflection Questions and First steps located on p. 215. Please have our final chapter, Chapter 12, Choosing God's Best by our next serving time on June 16th. We will be wrapping up our study in 2 weeks!!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Chapter Ten....Creating a Culture of Beauty
I really love this chapter, because I think as women, we have tremendous influence over the culture, climate and attitude of our homes. Having a welcoming, warm home allows us to show Christ's love-to our husbands, our children, and guests in our home.
Beauty's Expression
Are you romantic, adventurous serene?
*Uniquely you-Does your home reflect who you are, what you love, and the way you really live?
*Defining your expression-through color, nature, art, and objects
Beauty's Attitude
Like I said in the beginning, the woman can really make or break the beautiful environment in the home through her attitude
*Promote peace instead of quarreling-the Bible tells us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, I Peter 3:11)
*Cultivate contentment instead of complaining
Take it to God, focus on the positive. I read a wonderful book while ministering to a family member called Finding the Hero in your Husband, by Julianne Slatterly. She is affiliated with Focus on the Family and if you feel like this is a weak area for you, I can't recommend enough to read and pray for God to help you grow here!!
*Strive to be slow to anger instead of quick-tempered
Ask God to reveal the source of your anger, whether it be weariness, unresolved issues, etc.
*Set the temperature
You can decide the attitude of your home. It's as simple and hard as that. If I can tell this to our 2, 5, and 7 year olds, then surely as adults, we can choose as well!!
Beauty's focus
*Focus on your husband
*Focus on your children
1. the beauty of special memories
2. the beauty of the dinner table-Statistics are staggering at the benefits of that family connection time around the dinner table. If you are not doing this as a family, why not start now? Take that time to all gather together and share about your days.
*Focus on those in need
There is no greater way to get your mind off yourself, then by focusing on someone else's need!!
I LOVE talking about hospitality-I think this is really my spiritual gifting. I want my home to be a place where people can drop by-that I've kept it with excellence-but not so pristine that kids are afraid to play. As my kids get older, I want them to hang here with their friends. I want my kids to remember family meals together where we discussed our day and valued one another. If this is something that does not come easily for you or gets you feeling anxious just thinking about it, I want to encourage you to take a baby step this month. Take one small step that will help create the home environment your family deserves, and you deserve as well and see what God will do for all of you!!
I want to encourage you to insert your name in this scripture this week....speak this life-giving breath of fresh air over yourself!!
Jaime looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) Jaime will not eat.
Please take some time to look over and answer the Reflection Questions as well as the First Steps outlined on p. 196-197. Please have Chapter 11, Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother, ready by our next serving time on June 2nd.
Beauty's Expression
Are you romantic, adventurous serene?
*Uniquely you-Does your home reflect who you are, what you love, and the way you really live?
*Defining your expression-through color, nature, art, and objects
Beauty's Attitude
Like I said in the beginning, the woman can really make or break the beautiful environment in the home through her attitude
*Promote peace instead of quarreling-the Bible tells us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, I Peter 3:11)
*Cultivate contentment instead of complaining
Take it to God, focus on the positive. I read a wonderful book while ministering to a family member called Finding the Hero in your Husband, by Julianne Slatterly. She is affiliated with Focus on the Family and if you feel like this is a weak area for you, I can't recommend enough to read and pray for God to help you grow here!!
*Strive to be slow to anger instead of quick-tempered
Ask God to reveal the source of your anger, whether it be weariness, unresolved issues, etc.
*Set the temperature
You can decide the attitude of your home. It's as simple and hard as that. If I can tell this to our 2, 5, and 7 year olds, then surely as adults, we can choose as well!!
Beauty's focus
*Focus on your husband
*Focus on your children
1. the beauty of special memories
2. the beauty of the dinner table-Statistics are staggering at the benefits of that family connection time around the dinner table. If you are not doing this as a family, why not start now? Take that time to all gather together and share about your days.
*Focus on those in need
There is no greater way to get your mind off yourself, then by focusing on someone else's need!!
I LOVE talking about hospitality-I think this is really my spiritual gifting. I want my home to be a place where people can drop by-that I've kept it with excellence-but not so pristine that kids are afraid to play. As my kids get older, I want them to hang here with their friends. I want my kids to remember family meals together where we discussed our day and valued one another. If this is something that does not come easily for you or gets you feeling anxious just thinking about it, I want to encourage you to take a baby step this month. Take one small step that will help create the home environment your family deserves, and you deserve as well and see what God will do for all of you!!
I want to encourage you to insert your name in this scripture this week....speak this life-giving breath of fresh air over yourself!!
Jaime looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) Jaime will not eat.
Please take some time to look over and answer the Reflection Questions as well as the First Steps outlined on p. 196-197. Please have Chapter 11, Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother, ready by our next serving time on June 2nd.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Chapter Nine.....Managing Money
I don't know if you thought the Beautiful Wife would be diving into the area of your finances, but here we go!!!
Many thoughts we have about money stem from our childhood, whether it was full of plenty or lack.
God's Financial Plan
There are over 2000 verses in the Bible that talk about money! The truth is, we are simply stewards of the money God funnels through us. So, how should we be handling this resource?
*Giving-We have great great teaching at Res regarding our finances. If you have sat in that sanctuary any length of time, you have heard this, but it's a great refresher!
Percentage-giving the tithe to God 10%. In Malachi, it's the one place God asks us to test Him. If you have not done this yet, I want to encourage you to test God and see....
Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. Mal 3:10
Priority-giving God his 10%, but the FIRST tenth, not if there is enough left over!!
Progressive-giving more and more as you are blessed!!
*Debt-free-The Bible is clear, the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7). We live in a credit card, keeping up with the Joneses society. Here are Sandy's suggestions if you are wallowing in credit card debt
1. Cut up your credit cards, or use one that requires a full payment.
2. Remove Temptation
3. End Impulse buying
4. Find a financial accountability partner
***if you find yourself in this situation, there are Dave Ramsey classes going on at Res on a continual basis. There is hope and you are able to turn that situation around and be a testimony to others!!***
*Contentment....Comparison is really our greatest enemy
~Adjust your vision-think of eternal impact when you are spending your money
~Give thanks-it is frankly hard to be discontent when you are focused on all God has done/given you. If you want to ramp up your thanks....get Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. You will be so blessed and your thinking will be challenged.
Prepare a spending plan
Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, there are many Christian financial courses to set you up for success!
Most of you, if you examine yourselves will find between you and your spouse, one is a spender and one is a saver. Now, this often causes conflict, but just think, if you were both one or the other, the balance would be way off!!
~Track your spending for one month-to the penny. You will be amazed at where your money is going, and probably not where you thought!
~Determine leaks-does your out not equal your in??
~Build an emergency fund
~Tackle that debt
^Pay your bills on time
^Determine your financial goals. God's Word says
Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish. (Prov 29:18)
I've really been struck with this thought lately, I keep hearing it over and over again in my reading books, the Word, and pastors. Not even just financial, but spiritual, personal, family, etc. I don't want to aimlessly meander through life without having goals about the great future God has for us!!
^Caring for your children
A good man leaves an inheritance [of moral stability and goodness] to his children’s children. (Proverbs 13:22)
Growing through Financial Crisis
If you find yourself in a tough situation, look to the Lord for every answer. Do all you can to line yourself up with His Word and situate yourselves to receive His blessings. God is able!!
Remember to look over the Questions and First Steps on p. 179-180. Please have Chapter 10, Creating a Culture of Beauty, read by May 19th.
Many thoughts we have about money stem from our childhood, whether it was full of plenty or lack.
God's Financial Plan
There are over 2000 verses in the Bible that talk about money! The truth is, we are simply stewards of the money God funnels through us. So, how should we be handling this resource?
*Giving-We have great great teaching at Res regarding our finances. If you have sat in that sanctuary any length of time, you have heard this, but it's a great refresher!
Percentage-giving the tithe to God 10%. In Malachi, it's the one place God asks us to test Him. If you have not done this yet, I want to encourage you to test God and see....
Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. Mal 3:10
Priority-giving God his 10%, but the FIRST tenth, not if there is enough left over!!
Progressive-giving more and more as you are blessed!!
*Debt-free-The Bible is clear, the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7). We live in a credit card, keeping up with the Joneses society. Here are Sandy's suggestions if you are wallowing in credit card debt
1. Cut up your credit cards, or use one that requires a full payment.
2. Remove Temptation
3. End Impulse buying
4. Find a financial accountability partner
***if you find yourself in this situation, there are Dave Ramsey classes going on at Res on a continual basis. There is hope and you are able to turn that situation around and be a testimony to others!!***
*Contentment....Comparison is really our greatest enemy
~Adjust your vision-think of eternal impact when you are spending your money
~Give thanks-it is frankly hard to be discontent when you are focused on all God has done/given you. If you want to ramp up your thanks....get Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. You will be so blessed and your thinking will be challenged.
Prepare a spending plan
Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, there are many Christian financial courses to set you up for success!
Most of you, if you examine yourselves will find between you and your spouse, one is a spender and one is a saver. Now, this often causes conflict, but just think, if you were both one or the other, the balance would be way off!!
~Track your spending for one month-to the penny. You will be amazed at where your money is going, and probably not where you thought!
~Determine leaks-does your out not equal your in??
~Build an emergency fund
~Tackle that debt
^Pay your bills on time
^Determine your financial goals. God's Word says
Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish. (Prov 29:18)
I've really been struck with this thought lately, I keep hearing it over and over again in my reading books, the Word, and pastors. Not even just financial, but spiritual, personal, family, etc. I don't want to aimlessly meander through life without having goals about the great future God has for us!!
^Caring for your children
A good man leaves an inheritance [of moral stability and goodness] to his children’s children. (Proverbs 13:22)
Growing through Financial Crisis
If you find yourself in a tough situation, look to the Lord for every answer. Do all you can to line yourself up with His Word and situate yourselves to receive His blessings. God is able!!
Remember to look over the Questions and First Steps on p. 179-180. Please have Chapter 10, Creating a Culture of Beauty, read by May 19th.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Chapter Eight...Speaking Truth in Love
"Apart from God, a marriage-saving love is not within us"....Max Lucado
The Bible tells us we will have trouble. So, how can we speak the truth in love to our spouse...
*Identify the Truth
The Truth about him
-his behavior, is it sinning or just annoying? Study God's Word
Watch this short 3 minute video from Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect, entitled, "Why Your Spouse May Irritate you".
The Truth about you
- are you so focused on him, you haven't looked at your own part? How many Proverbs deal with the nagging wife?? Here are just a few...
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman. Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation Prov 21:19
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman. Proverbs 25:24
A continual dripping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike;
*Speaking
4 Types of Communication-only 1 of these is healthy
1. Passive behavior-doing nothing, dishonesty, silence, prizing peace and acceptance above truth
2. Aggressive behavior-combat ready, Insults and profanity, Blame and Sarcasm
3. Passive Aggressive Behavior-jokes and snide remarks, forgetfulness, silent treatment
4. Assertive Behavior-Honesty
I feel _____ when you _________
I feel comforted when you ___________________
I feel cherished when you ______________________
Respect-Ephesians 5:33 says
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
There is no (unless he doesn't deserve it....) clause in this verse......Just do it!! Whether they deserve it or not! In less than 10 words! And ladies, talk about him respectfully as well. What greater honor to your husband than to praise him in front of your children and friends. Avoid talking about any marital issues to your parents....they are just wired to be protective of their own and grudges die hard with parents. It is always best discussed with a godly woman outside close family circles.
Patience-God's timing is perfect, and His ways are not our ways
The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises 2 Peter 3:9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord Isaiah 55:8
*Putting it all together
This Chapter had SO many good nuggets. Whether you've heard it once or many times, they are good reminders for us. And I've included LOTS of scripture references for you this week. Ladies, if our lives are not anchored on the Word, it's shifting sand. I have such a deep desire to hide His word in my heart so that I might have it only my lips in that opportune time. Let this soak into your soul and nourish it!! I'm not going to write our the reflection questions this week, just because I have already gone on quite a bit....please take the time to look over them, as well as the First Steps, located on p. 161.
Please have Chapter Nine, Managing Money read by our next serving time, May 5th!!
The Bible tells us we will have trouble. So, how can we speak the truth in love to our spouse...
*Identify the Truth
The Truth about him
-his behavior, is it sinning or just annoying? Study God's Word
Watch this short 3 minute video from Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect, entitled, "Why Your Spouse May Irritate you".
The Truth about you
- are you so focused on him, you haven't looked at your own part? How many Proverbs deal with the nagging wife?? Here are just a few...
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman. Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation Prov 21:19
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman. Proverbs 25:24
A continual dripping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike;
Whoever
attempts to restrain [a contentious woman] might as well try to stop
the wind—his right hand encounters oil [and she slips through his
fingers]. Provebs 27:15-16
-until you look here, you may be standing in the way of progress, growth, and healing in your marriage
YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF!!
I really like this illustration Sandy uses talking about us getting out of the way so that God can deal with our husbands. When we continually place ourselves there (trying to be his Holy Spirit), we block God from doing what only He can do anyways!
Obeying God's Truth
Ask God for wisdom, seek counsel from a wise Christian woman or Christian counselor
*In Love
I Cor 13:4-7 is power packed and a high standard!!
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and
everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every
person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures
everything [without weakening].
-God loves you!!
This was SUCH an incredible revelation to me in the past few years-His extravagant love for me. This has freed me and helped me to love Jason better in turn-because I understand who I am!!
-Exchange your pain for God's love
-Putting love into action
1. forgive
2. remind yourself why you loved him in the first place
3. find concrete and small way to show love every day
*Speaking
4 Types of Communication-only 1 of these is healthy
1. Passive behavior-doing nothing, dishonesty, silence, prizing peace and acceptance above truth
2. Aggressive behavior-combat ready, Insults and profanity, Blame and Sarcasm
3. Passive Aggressive Behavior-jokes and snide remarks, forgetfulness, silent treatment
4. Assertive Behavior-Honesty
I feel _____ when you _________
I feel cherished when you ______________________
Respect-Ephesians 5:33 says
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
There is no (unless he doesn't deserve it....) clause in this verse......Just do it!! Whether they deserve it or not! In less than 10 words! And ladies, talk about him respectfully as well. What greater honor to your husband than to praise him in front of your children and friends. Avoid talking about any marital issues to your parents....they are just wired to be protective of their own and grudges die hard with parents. It is always best discussed with a godly woman outside close family circles.
Patience-God's timing is perfect, and His ways are not our ways
The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises 2 Peter 3:9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord Isaiah 55:8
*Putting it all together
This Chapter had SO many good nuggets. Whether you've heard it once or many times, they are good reminders for us. And I've included LOTS of scripture references for you this week. Ladies, if our lives are not anchored on the Word, it's shifting sand. I have such a deep desire to hide His word in my heart so that I might have it only my lips in that opportune time. Let this soak into your soul and nourish it!! I'm not going to write our the reflection questions this week, just because I have already gone on quite a bit....please take the time to look over them, as well as the First Steps, located on p. 161.
Please have Chapter Nine, Managing Money read by our next serving time, May 5th!!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Chapter Seven....Opening Lines of Communication
Communication is something we can ALWAYS get better at, and something we can always learn more about. Let's dive in, shall we?
*Be direct. Ladies, he is not a mind reader, although I try to see if he can...things are SO much easier if I just spill it.
*Be kind. The Bible tells us Love is patient, Love is kind in 1 Corinthians.
*Choose the proper time and place
1. on a regular basis
2. deal with issues as the arise, which eliminates the need for dynamite!!
*Listen
I use this verse all the time with my kids, James 1:19
Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
......listen actively
.....listen to understand
*Initiate Intentional Dialogue
Create that safe environment for your husband to share with you
Sandy mentions this IMAGO dialogue
~mirroring- "so you're saying", repeat back what he's said, NOT interpreting, but simply repeating
~validation-doesn't require you to agree-but to confirm what he said and begin to see it from his perspective
~empathy-letting go of your viewpoint and feeling what he feels.
Have you ever felt completely understood? Think about how that makes you feel...
"You may be the tool God uses to unlock your husband's soul". How exciting is that???
Reflection Questions
1. Are you direct with your communication? If not, why?
2. Have you ever misinterpreted something your husband communicated? What effect did this have on you? Your husband?
I have realized that we process the things our husbands (and everyone, for that matter) say to us through our hurts and the eyes of that day. If you have had previous hurts with men, a small comment from our husband could send us down a road that comment wasn't intended for. If I'm having a bad day, a small comment hurts more than if I'm soaring high on my day. I'm learning to truly listen to what he's said, not to interpret into more/less than he intended.
I have said it to myself and out loud, and I'm hoping you can say this as well....
(Jason) My husband is FOR ME! We are on this team together.
This has changed how I process him....we are working together to love well, to parent, to advance God's kingdom.
3. How would you rate your listening skills?
4. Do you deal with issues as they arise, or do you stuff them away? What is the cause of your procrastination? What feelings do you experience when you put off communication?
I have the bend to be a boiling pot....meaning I keep it all inside until I'm about ready to explode. Jason grew up in a home where things were communicated well and immediately...I have learned to deal with these issues sooner (when they are tiny and easily solved) before it's a monstrous event.
5. When you communicate about an issue, are you kind? If not, is this working for you?
6. Have you ever chosen an improper time and/or place to communicate with your husband? What was the result?
Please look over the First Steps on p. 139 and have Chapter 8, Speaking Truth in Love, read by April 20th.
*Be direct. Ladies, he is not a mind reader, although I try to see if he can...things are SO much easier if I just spill it.
*Be kind. The Bible tells us Love is patient, Love is kind in 1 Corinthians.
*Choose the proper time and place
1. on a regular basis
2. deal with issues as the arise, which eliminates the need for dynamite!!
*Listen
I use this verse all the time with my kids, James 1:19
Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
......listen actively
.....listen to understand
*Initiate Intentional Dialogue
Create that safe environment for your husband to share with you
Sandy mentions this IMAGO dialogue
~mirroring- "so you're saying", repeat back what he's said, NOT interpreting, but simply repeating
~validation-doesn't require you to agree-but to confirm what he said and begin to see it from his perspective
~empathy-letting go of your viewpoint and feeling what he feels.
Have you ever felt completely understood? Think about how that makes you feel...
"You may be the tool God uses to unlock your husband's soul". How exciting is that???
Reflection Questions
1. Are you direct with your communication? If not, why?
2. Have you ever misinterpreted something your husband communicated? What effect did this have on you? Your husband?
I have realized that we process the things our husbands (and everyone, for that matter) say to us through our hurts and the eyes of that day. If you have had previous hurts with men, a small comment from our husband could send us down a road that comment wasn't intended for. If I'm having a bad day, a small comment hurts more than if I'm soaring high on my day. I'm learning to truly listen to what he's said, not to interpret into more/less than he intended.
I have said it to myself and out loud, and I'm hoping you can say this as well....
(Jason) My husband is FOR ME! We are on this team together.
This has changed how I process him....we are working together to love well, to parent, to advance God's kingdom.
3. How would you rate your listening skills?
4. Do you deal with issues as they arise, or do you stuff them away? What is the cause of your procrastination? What feelings do you experience when you put off communication?
I have the bend to be a boiling pot....meaning I keep it all inside until I'm about ready to explode. Jason grew up in a home where things were communicated well and immediately...I have learned to deal with these issues sooner (when they are tiny and easily solved) before it's a monstrous event.
5. When you communicate about an issue, are you kind? If not, is this working for you?
6. Have you ever chosen an improper time and/or place to communicate with your husband? What was the result?
Please look over the First Steps on p. 139 and have Chapter 8, Speaking Truth in Love, read by April 20th.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Chapter Six....Thinking Differently About Sex
While this might be everyone's most uncomfortable chapter to read and think about, it is one of the top 3 issues that couples argue about. So, let's uncover what God thinks, what we think, and what our husbands think....then decide if we need to change the way we think in order to line up with what God says!!
Change the way you think
What does God think about sex?
God outlines six purposes for sex
1. Creation of life
2. Oneness-sex is the glue!! and holds you together through joys and struggles
3. Knowledge-deeper levels of intimacy When you are known-it brings joy!!
4. Pleasure
5. Protection from temptation-we should not deprive our spouse 1 Cor 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.
I will always remember Jimmy Evans remarking that sex is like spiritual warfare. It is the devil's desire to separate man and wife and to cause strife!
6. Comfort-from the stresses and sorrows of life
What does your husband think about sex?
His thoughts about his desire are not just physical-they are emotional as well. He wants you to need him!!
Sandy shares, "A sexually satisfied husband is likely to move mountains on behalf of the wife who fulfills him".
This can easily be compared to a woman's need for communication.
1. Sex will make him feel loved and desired
2. Sex will give him confidence
His lack of desire and/or unusual sexual behavior
There can by physical factors, physiological factors, medical conditions. First and foremost, pray about it, and seek help if necessary.
His thoughts about your body
He is visual and he wants to see you naked!!
What do you think about sex?
Your thoughts about it and its importance
Are you weary and its the last thing on your mind? Are you withholding sex?
"You have the power to dismantle barriers between you and your husband by entering joyfully into sexual union with him, even in light of your unmet needs"
Your thoughts about past hurts
Improving your sex life
Prioritizing your commitments-exhaustion is just so common in our high speed culture MAKE TIME
Getting in the mood
Seducing your husband-Visuals, Touch, Scent, Music
I want to encourage you to really spend some time letting this information sink in, and that you would open a conversation with your husband regarding your sex life. EVEN IF you feel like your needs are not being met, why not take a step of faith and start meeting his, and you will find he will start filling those empty places. If what you are doing now isn't working, why not try something different and see if you can't give your relationship a jump start and a fresh fire!!
Remember to look over and answer the Reflection Questions on p. 124 and the First Steps following. Please have the next chapter, Opening Lines of Communication read by April 6th.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Chapter Five.....Inviting Romance
Ladies, thanks for sticking with me thus far. There is something to be said about perseverance and not giving up. God has something for EACH one of us as we journey through this book!!
Sandy asks us a very important question at the beginning of this chapter...
Are your words or actions stumbling blocks or invitations to your husband to join you in a romantic relationship?
Five steps to change your actions and invite your husband into greater romance TRACE
Trust instead of control
Respect instead of demean
Appreciate instead of criticize
Confer confidence instead of doubt
Expose vulnerability instead of defensiveness
T Do I correct my husband? Do I instruct my husband? Do I try to improve my husband?
Time to relinquish control and Trust God
When we do these above behaviors, we speak the following messages to our husbands
You didn't do it right. You don't know how to do it. You didn't do it well enough
This control is often rooted in fear, which the root of fear is often selfishness. And selfishness does not lend itself to invite your husband to romance.
How can we change? Expose your fear, repent and turn to God when you feel the urge to control.
R Tit for tat
We think disrespect will motivate our husbands.
Consider the chickens' way
Consider your husband's way
When a man is confident in your opinion of him-he can relax with you and drop his walls. He can then let you in-he is safe-valued and respected. Where there is safety, intimacy can grow.
A The male ego is fragile, no matter how bravado your husband may come across. Inside, he is looking for affirmation and appreciation. Most men cannot live without it!! They will seek validation where they can find it. Let this validation and appreciation come from our lips and hearts and not another!!
C Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
At home.....On the job.....In his dreams, Let's speak confidence to our men!!
E Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm hurt"-Remind yourselves that God will defend and protect you
if you put your trust in Him. (Please, if you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is not my suggestion for you to stay in this relationship. Please seek help.)
Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm not perfect" Our facade keeps us from intimacy, and keeps our husbands from knowing the real us!!
Sometimes vulnerability says "You may have a point". When we are defensive, we take away the advantage a 2nd perspective offers you, and discredits his words.
This week I want to encourage you to look over and pray over the reflection questions yourselves. Many are very personal in nature, and I think it best to not discuss it all over the internet. If any of you would like to share with me in private, I welcome the discussion. I think the questions are quite poignant and helpful in discovering ways we have either built bridges or torn them down with our husbands. I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will speak to each one of you as you seek Him first!
And now for something fun.....
Here is a pic from our wedding, almost 10 years ago.
These are a few of the things that first attracted me to Jason...
He was FUN! He always knew how to make me smile, and he just enjoys life! He has helped me relax....so much!!
He was a GENTLEMAN. I loved the way he cared for me, opened doors for me, sent me flowers, spoke words of affirmation to me.
He was WELL DRESSED. I know this is rather superfcial, but I loved that he always knew how to look nice. I loved that he didn't need any woman's help to look dashing!!
He had a GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. He loved them, honored them, and spoke highly of them.
And most importantly of all, HE LOVED THE LORD. There was no greater "requirement" in my book and I was so excited to meet him and know there were still "good guys" out there!!
Would you do the same for me?? Comment on this post below with your desire to do the same, and you can email me a pic from your wedding with what first attracted you to your husband, and I will feature you in a blog post. Come on ladies, don't be shy. Let's remember what first drew us to them!!
Please remember to look over the First Steps, located on p. 106 in your books. Please have Chapter 6, Think Differently About Sex, read by our next serving time, on March 17th.
Sandy asks us a very important question at the beginning of this chapter...
Are your words or actions stumbling blocks or invitations to your husband to join you in a romantic relationship?
Five steps to change your actions and invite your husband into greater romance TRACE
Trust instead of control
Respect instead of demean
Appreciate instead of criticize
Confer confidence instead of doubt
Expose vulnerability instead of defensiveness
T Do I correct my husband? Do I instruct my husband? Do I try to improve my husband?
Time to relinquish control and Trust God
When we do these above behaviors, we speak the following messages to our husbands
You didn't do it right. You don't know how to do it. You didn't do it well enough
This control is often rooted in fear, which the root of fear is often selfishness. And selfishness does not lend itself to invite your husband to romance.
How can we change? Expose your fear, repent and turn to God when you feel the urge to control.
R Tit for tat
We think disrespect will motivate our husbands.
Consider the chickens' way
Consider your husband's way
When a man is confident in your opinion of him-he can relax with you and drop his walls. He can then let you in-he is safe-valued and respected. Where there is safety, intimacy can grow.
A The male ego is fragile, no matter how bravado your husband may come across. Inside, he is looking for affirmation and appreciation. Most men cannot live without it!! They will seek validation where they can find it. Let this validation and appreciation come from our lips and hearts and not another!!
C Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
At home.....On the job.....In his dreams, Let's speak confidence to our men!!
E Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm hurt"-Remind yourselves that God will defend and protect you
if you put your trust in Him. (Please, if you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is not my suggestion for you to stay in this relationship. Please seek help.)
Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm not perfect" Our facade keeps us from intimacy, and keeps our husbands from knowing the real us!!
Sometimes vulnerability says "You may have a point". When we are defensive, we take away the advantage a 2nd perspective offers you, and discredits his words.
This week I want to encourage you to look over and pray over the reflection questions yourselves. Many are very personal in nature, and I think it best to not discuss it all over the internet. If any of you would like to share with me in private, I welcome the discussion. I think the questions are quite poignant and helpful in discovering ways we have either built bridges or torn them down with our husbands. I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will speak to each one of you as you seek Him first!
And now for something fun.....
Here is a pic from our wedding, almost 10 years ago.
He was FUN! He always knew how to make me smile, and he just enjoys life! He has helped me relax....so much!!
He was a GENTLEMAN. I loved the way he cared for me, opened doors for me, sent me flowers, spoke words of affirmation to me.
He was WELL DRESSED. I know this is rather superfcial, but I loved that he always knew how to look nice. I loved that he didn't need any woman's help to look dashing!!
He had a GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. He loved them, honored them, and spoke highly of them.
And most importantly of all, HE LOVED THE LORD. There was no greater "requirement" in my book and I was so excited to meet him and know there were still "good guys" out there!!
Would you do the same for me?? Comment on this post below with your desire to do the same, and you can email me a pic from your wedding with what first attracted you to your husband, and I will feature you in a blog post. Come on ladies, don't be shy. Let's remember what first drew us to them!!
Please remember to look over the First Steps, located on p. 106 in your books. Please have Chapter 6, Think Differently About Sex, read by our next serving time, on March 17th.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Chapter Four....Captivating Mystique
mystique-an air of mystery and reverence developing around someone
Mystique is a direct result of our inner confidence.
The 4 A's....
1. Assurance-our feelings of self-worth. Have we believed a lie about ourselves?
Reject the lies I love this quote from Sandy
"Satan knows we are tremendously valued by God, and he fears the day we believe it"
Listen to the truth fill yourself up with what God says about you. If you don't know where to start, utilize the "Who I am in Christ" booklets I gave you last serving time. Speak these truths over yourself....and BELIEVE them!!
2. Advancement-fulfilling the plans the Lord has for you
Uncover your passions
Consider the season many of us are home with little ones. Right now my season is pouring myself into my children. Not that I don't have passions, but my main passion is to see my children raised in the knowledge and love of the Lord. There will be different seasons where I will have more time to uncover and utilize my passions.
Make time
Maintain priorities In this order.....God, your husband, your children, your passion. He will never ask you to you sacrifice your priorities for your passion.
3. Appearance- we feel our best when we look our best. And our men are visual!
Define your style-the devil's desire is for women to compare. He has made each of us unique and beautiful
Consider his preference-what does your husband say about you? What things does he really love about your appearance?? hair long, short, dressy, casual...high heels, ballet flats, makeup, no makeup, etc.
4. Attitude-towards your husband, others and yourself
Encouragement-when we are filled up and confident, we are able to give encouragement away. When we are so consumed with ourselves and have no self worth, we spend all our energy on ourselves.
Discretion timing with our husbands, gossiping about others
Courage- we want to be unafraid to learn and grow
These 4 A's are a lifelong process....looking back, we can see where God has brought us and be encouraged to keep running towards Him and His very best for you!!
Reflection Questions
1. What phrase often plays in your mind and undermines your belief in yourself? Where did it come from: your past, your experiences, or what other people said about you? Does it agree with God's Word?
My biggest struggle was the belief that I am completely loveable just the way I am. Most of you will find you see God as you have seen your earthly father. My father who is a wonderful, wonderful man, exhibited very conditional love for me. I always felt like I had to "perform" for him to love me. If I did not act as he desired, he withheld his love and affection. I viewed God like this for a long, long time. As distant, and ready to strike me and turn His back on me at my first offense. I have experienced wonderful freedom knowing of God's extravagant, unchanging love for me....by destroying those lies in my spirit and replacing them with the Truth of God's Word.
2. Imagine deleting that repeating phrase and inserting what God says about you instead. If you did that, how would it affect your choices and your relationship with your husband?
3. What dreams or ideas have you thought about over the years? Which ones would you like to advance in? Is now a good season for advancing? If not, when might be?
4. What is one small action you could take to set yourself on the path of that advancement process?
5. Consider the pattern of your life. What do your actions show are your priorities?
6. What do you like about your personality? Your appearance? What words would you sue to describe your personality and thus your personal style?
7. Where do you try to "fit in" rather than embrace your true self? What steps can you take to express your individuality?
8. What areas of discretion-timing, details, or gossip, is most difficult for you? Why?
9. Do you seek opportunities to be a force of encouragement in your husband's life? How has this affected him?
I want my husband's greatest praise to come from me...I want my children to see my adoration and complete love for their dad. I firmly believe that Jason's success in life-personal and professional, are (in part) a result of my prayers, my encouragement, and speaking those things before we even saw them in the natural (Romans 4:17). We have incredible power (for good or bad) with our husbands. I want to encourage you today, if you are not doing this, to start. Even if it starts with a small thanks......
thanks for working so we can live in this house, so I can stay home....thanks for always leaving the car with a full tank of gas, thanks for loving our kids, etc. It's contagious and it will bless your husband, and in turn, you!!
Ladies, let's Love God's Word and hide it in our hearts as His promises for us...
For I am God's masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so that I can do the good things He planned for me long ago. Ephesians 2:10
Remember to look over the First Steps on p. 87 and have Chapter 5, Inviting Romance, read for our next serving time on March 3rd.
Mystique is a direct result of our inner confidence.
The 4 A's....
1. Assurance-our feelings of self-worth. Have we believed a lie about ourselves?
Reject the lies I love this quote from Sandy
"Satan knows we are tremendously valued by God, and he fears the day we believe it"
Listen to the truth fill yourself up with what God says about you. If you don't know where to start, utilize the "Who I am in Christ" booklets I gave you last serving time. Speak these truths over yourself....and BELIEVE them!!
2. Advancement-fulfilling the plans the Lord has for you
Uncover your passions
Consider the season many of us are home with little ones. Right now my season is pouring myself into my children. Not that I don't have passions, but my main passion is to see my children raised in the knowledge and love of the Lord. There will be different seasons where I will have more time to uncover and utilize my passions.
Make time
Maintain priorities In this order.....God, your husband, your children, your passion. He will never ask you to you sacrifice your priorities for your passion.
3. Appearance- we feel our best when we look our best. And our men are visual!
Define your style-the devil's desire is for women to compare. He has made each of us unique and beautiful
Consider his preference-what does your husband say about you? What things does he really love about your appearance?? hair long, short, dressy, casual...high heels, ballet flats, makeup, no makeup, etc.
4. Attitude-towards your husband, others and yourself
Encouragement-when we are filled up and confident, we are able to give encouragement away. When we are so consumed with ourselves and have no self worth, we spend all our energy on ourselves.
Discretion timing with our husbands, gossiping about others
Courage- we want to be unafraid to learn and grow
These 4 A's are a lifelong process....looking back, we can see where God has brought us and be encouraged to keep running towards Him and His very best for you!!
Reflection Questions
1. What phrase often plays in your mind and undermines your belief in yourself? Where did it come from: your past, your experiences, or what other people said about you? Does it agree with God's Word?
My biggest struggle was the belief that I am completely loveable just the way I am. Most of you will find you see God as you have seen your earthly father. My father who is a wonderful, wonderful man, exhibited very conditional love for me. I always felt like I had to "perform" for him to love me. If I did not act as he desired, he withheld his love and affection. I viewed God like this for a long, long time. As distant, and ready to strike me and turn His back on me at my first offense. I have experienced wonderful freedom knowing of God's extravagant, unchanging love for me....by destroying those lies in my spirit and replacing them with the Truth of God's Word.
2. Imagine deleting that repeating phrase and inserting what God says about you instead. If you did that, how would it affect your choices and your relationship with your husband?
3. What dreams or ideas have you thought about over the years? Which ones would you like to advance in? Is now a good season for advancing? If not, when might be?
4. What is one small action you could take to set yourself on the path of that advancement process?
5. Consider the pattern of your life. What do your actions show are your priorities?
6. What do you like about your personality? Your appearance? What words would you sue to describe your personality and thus your personal style?
7. Where do you try to "fit in" rather than embrace your true self? What steps can you take to express your individuality?
8. What areas of discretion-timing, details, or gossip, is most difficult for you? Why?
9. Do you seek opportunities to be a force of encouragement in your husband's life? How has this affected him?
I want my husband's greatest praise to come from me...I want my children to see my adoration and complete love for their dad. I firmly believe that Jason's success in life-personal and professional, are (in part) a result of my prayers, my encouragement, and speaking those things before we even saw them in the natural (Romans 4:17). We have incredible power (for good or bad) with our husbands. I want to encourage you today, if you are not doing this, to start. Even if it starts with a small thanks......
thanks for working so we can live in this house, so I can stay home....thanks for always leaving the car with a full tank of gas, thanks for loving our kids, etc. It's contagious and it will bless your husband, and in turn, you!!
Ladies, let's Love God's Word and hide it in our hearts as His promises for us...
For I am God's masterpiece. He has created me anew in Christ Jesus, so that I can do the good things He planned for me long ago. Ephesians 2:10
Remember to look over the First Steps on p. 87 and have Chapter 5, Inviting Romance, read for our next serving time on March 3rd.
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Chapter Three...Living as the Genuine Article
Chapter Three invites us to ask God about any masks we may be
wearing. Many of us wear masks to hide our sin, which ultimately
prevents our healing from God in this area. We wear that mask of what
we think others expect of us. This is the devil's delight, that we
keep the darkness dark...
For sin is darkness, but God's Word says
I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness. John 12:46
* Life behind a mask----is exhausting and we can't fool God
Superwoman using praise to help our feelings of self-worth. When we act like superwoman, we are inevitably forsaking the needs of our husband in order to please others. This ultimately blocks our relationship with the Lord.
Material Girl spending $ we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't even like. Oh, how true this is!! We live in a land of consumerism, where the "next big thing" is always right around the corner.
the Perfect Ten You've got it ALL together! Really a mixture of pride and fear....pride that we can't admit our shortcomings, and fear of what others will think if they "really knew me". Sometimes we use this convince others as well as ourselves that we are all that!!
*Who, me? Can you relate to any of these? Ask God to show you if you have allowed any of these to interfere with your relationship with God or your husband.
*My journey of Removing the Mask
1. Find your strength in God
2. Admit your imperfections
3. Forgive those that have offended you
4. Say no more often
ALLOWS you to have greater intimacy with your husband and others, show hospitality and give to those in need
Reflection Questions
1. With which mask do you most identify: Superwoman, Material Girl, Perfect Ten, or another?
2. Do you feel safer behind a mask? Why or why not?
3. Is living behind a mask working for you? Explain.
4. Would you feel comfortable in your church if others knew of your weaknesses and failings? If not, why?
Have you been betrayed by a close friend and have difficulty in trusting others with your true selves? Ask God to reveal this to you, and for Him to heal that hurt. Then, pray for a friend that you can be safe with. I have personally prayed for these types of girl friends for 8 years!! I have a close friend but we live 2+ hours away. God has brought these wonderful, dynamic women into my life and He
was not late, but right on time. These ladies are ones I can be completely real and honest with. I feel completely safe to share my heart with them, knowing we share the love of our Father and one another.
5. Have you recently shared your struggles with others in a vulnerable way If not, why? What would it take for you to overcome your fear?
6. What is your underlying motive when trying to impress others?
I think most of us have that desire to feel accepted and liked. I think through most of my life, I can identify myself as a "people pleaser". But, ultimately, I want to please the Lord first and foremost, and honor Him in all that I do. As God has given me freedom over that control of "people pleaser", I have found such great joy at living for Him and His kingdom and glory!! He is not finished with me yet, but He is faithful to complete what He has started!!
7. Does the way you spend your time and money reflect God's desires or yours?
Remember to look over the First Steps on p. 69 and have Chapter 4, Captivating Mystique read by our next serving time on February 17th.
For sin is darkness, but God's Word says
I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness. John 12:46
* Life behind a mask----is exhausting and we can't fool God
Superwoman using praise to help our feelings of self-worth. When we act like superwoman, we are inevitably forsaking the needs of our husband in order to please others. This ultimately blocks our relationship with the Lord.
Material Girl spending $ we don't have to buy things we don't need to impress people we don't even like. Oh, how true this is!! We live in a land of consumerism, where the "next big thing" is always right around the corner.
the Perfect Ten You've got it ALL together! Really a mixture of pride and fear....pride that we can't admit our shortcomings, and fear of what others will think if they "really knew me". Sometimes we use this convince others as well as ourselves that we are all that!!
*Who, me? Can you relate to any of these? Ask God to show you if you have allowed any of these to interfere with your relationship with God or your husband.
*My journey of Removing the Mask
1. Find your strength in God
2. Admit your imperfections
3. Forgive those that have offended you
4. Say no more often
ALLOWS you to have greater intimacy with your husband and others, show hospitality and give to those in need
Reflection Questions
1. With which mask do you most identify: Superwoman, Material Girl, Perfect Ten, or another?
2. Do you feel safer behind a mask? Why or why not?
3. Is living behind a mask working for you? Explain.
4. Would you feel comfortable in your church if others knew of your weaknesses and failings? If not, why?
Have you been betrayed by a close friend and have difficulty in trusting others with your true selves? Ask God to reveal this to you, and for Him to heal that hurt. Then, pray for a friend that you can be safe with. I have personally prayed for these types of girl friends for 8 years!! I have a close friend but we live 2+ hours away. God has brought these wonderful, dynamic women into my life and He
was not late, but right on time. These ladies are ones I can be completely real and honest with. I feel completely safe to share my heart with them, knowing we share the love of our Father and one another.
5. Have you recently shared your struggles with others in a vulnerable way If not, why? What would it take for you to overcome your fear?
6. What is your underlying motive when trying to impress others?
I think most of us have that desire to feel accepted and liked. I think through most of my life, I can identify myself as a "people pleaser". But, ultimately, I want to please the Lord first and foremost, and honor Him in all that I do. As God has given me freedom over that control of "people pleaser", I have found such great joy at living for Him and His kingdom and glory!! He is not finished with me yet, but He is faithful to complete what He has started!!
7. Does the way you spend your time and money reflect God's desires or yours?
Remember to look over the First Steps on p. 69 and have Chapter 4, Captivating Mystique read by our next serving time on February 17th.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Chapter Two...Attending to Self-Care
Sandy outlines these 3 circles of care, emphasizing that the outer circles are dependent upon the health of the inner circle, your spiritual health!!
1. Spiritual
Our busyness can mute God's voice. And when we're busy, that's when we need Him the most!!
We can help nurture our spiritual health through
...Quiet Time-this is SO important, and yet SO hard to carve out this time. You will be blessed if you do!!
...Attending Church
... Developing godly friendships, ones that will give us sound, Biblical advice. Have some friends that are spiritually stronger than you to help you rise up!!
2. Emotional
...Uncovering the source of your negative emotions
Is it me?? then repent, and turn away Is is someone else?? let it go!!
...Rein in your thoughts
2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us this
**We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Take hold of your thoughts, and place them against the Word of God. If it doesn't line up, call it what it is (a lie) and replace it with the Truth!!
...Tame your tongue-let's speak life into every situation we are faced with!
...Get the help you need
3. Physical
...Healthy diet
...Exercise
...Rest Don't be afraid to downsize your schedule, take time to sleep!! and for you time. For me, my "you time" and quiet time are before my kids get up!! I need this time to focus first on God, then on the needs for that day before I have 3 little people who need me to help them get started on their day!! As Sandy said in her book, no one can give you "you time" except you, so do it!! It is a gift to ourselves, and those around you. Though you may think of some who overindulge this time to the point of neglecting family duties, most of us neglect this aspect of our lives.
Now onto the Reflection Questions for Chapter 2.
1. What evidence have you seen in your life that your spiritual condition affects your emotional and physical conditions?
2. What do you need to do to ensure regular spiritual self-care? Write it down.
3. Are you experiencing any of the following emotions: guilt, shame, envy, anger, sadness, or fear? If so
*What is your response? Escape, Medication?
*Can you remember the source of this emotion? If so, record it in your journal. If not, ask God to reveal it.
*When you're feeling this emotion, what do you tell yourself? Write your response. Does it line up with God's Word? If not, what does God's Word say to correct your response?
4. What small steps are you willing to take to improve your diet?
5. What motivates you to exercise? Which steps could you take to follow through?
The scale motivates me to exercise. And I can honestly say, I have more energy for the rest of the day than if I would have slept the extra 45 minutes in the morning. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I'm reminded of this verse...The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Matthew 26:41 I don't love exercise, but I love the way I feel and how my body feels.
6. How is your stressful schedule impacting your marriage? What one activity could you eliminate? Write the answer in your journal.
We live in a culture that is consumed with busyness. We wear it like a medal around our necks! But, we were not designed to run this way. God has commanded us to REST! I have gotten better about creating some margin in our schedule, so that when that "emergency" comes up, we have more time to slot that in without the entire schedule going haywire! Our society says to involve our kids in every activity that comes their way so they will be smart, well-rounded, blah, blah, blah. But friends, it is eternal?? With our kids, I want to grow them up to by Kingdom movers, Kingdom changers, sold out to God. I'm not saying my kids will never play baseball or take gymnastics, but church is first for us, where they are being spiritually brought up to love the Lord and follow Him. The rest is extra!!
7. What prevents you from getting eight hours of sleep? How does a lack of sleep affect your marriage? What small step could you take to increase the hours you sleep?
8. Which "you time" activity gives you pleasure and refreshes you? How often do you participate in this activity? What could you do to make it a regular part of your day? Respond in your prayer journal.
I've really tried to carve out some time for me to read. My best scenario is uninterrupted, but this is not always possible. It refreshes my soul, whether I'm reading about parenting, marriage, certain Biblical topics...whatever. Something besides, Elmo Uses the Potty!!'
Truth is, we need this reminder. Life can be overwhelming....
God did not come just so that we can live forever with Him in heaven. Jesus said in John 10:10,
I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. Let's take care of ourselves and grab onto that life that God has for us, right here, right now on earth!!
Remember to look over the First Steps for this Chapter on p. 56. And have Chapter Three: Living as the Genuine Article read by our next serving time, February 3rd. Thanks for sticking with me!!!
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Chapter One...Equipping for the Journey
Alright ladies, we are off and running.....I welcome any of your comments and thoughts at the bottom of this post. Just click on the comments link on the bottom of this post to share what insights you have reaped from this chapter. Also, please feel free to contact me personally if it's something you'd rather converse with in private.
The three main bullet points of this initial chapter are
* Turning to God
How can we do this?? Be still, Worship, Read the Bible, and Pray-allow God to speak to us!!
*Understanding your role
We are equal partners with our husbands. Enjoy recreation together, be friends. Be his helper. Encourage him, support him. Be his prayer warrior, pray for his strengths, weaknesses, and for both of you to be surrounded with godly friends.
*Sharing within a community of women
With humility....this means NO MEN BASHING! Be around women who speak highly of their husbands. Let's figure ourselves out first!! With transparency, being willing to be open and honest with a trusted friend. With accountability, that someone in our circle is holding us accountable to God and His very best for us.
Reflection Questions (If you haven't already, please take some time to answer these questions truthfully, and ask the Lord how He can mold you into the wife He created you to be!!)
1. When you find yourself in a difficult marriage situation, what is your first response? Who do you turn to first?
Do we run to our girlfriend first thing? Our parents? Friends, run to God. Seek His wisdom and answers. He is faithful, He is there ready!!
In times of conflict, our thoughts immediately run to...."well, he did this, he did that....". But instead, I'm learning to say "God, could I have handled myself better? What could I have done to simmer the conflict?". We will all stand before God one day to account of our behavior. Romans 14:12 tells us this. So, we can humble ourselves and ask the Lord....Have I done all I could do, to love him, encourage him, support him??? I have found this humility before the Lord and then before my husband, to apologize for my part brings forgiveness on both parties much quicker than when I am stubborn and "wait" for him to apologize.
2. Think of a situation in your marriage when you relied on your own understanding to solve a problem, rather than turning to God for help. What was the result? How did this impact you and your marriage?
3. Have you experienced a time when God has spoken to you through His Word? Record these and other verses that encourage you in your prayer journal.
I would encourage you to start a journal to write down things that God has shown you, or done for you and your family. Then, in times of trial...you can go back and reference what He has done. If you are in a season where God seems silent, you can remind yourselves of what He has done.
4 Do you regularly pray for your husband? Why or why not?
Our husbands NEED us!! We should be his #1 cheerleader, with the Lord, in public and private! Our home is a safe haven and comfort for them. The world is hard enough on them, let's be the place of rest and assurance for them every day!!
5. Have you experienced a time when God has answered prayers for you, your husband, or your marriage?
Write these awesome answered prayers in your journal!!
6. What's one small step you could take to actively fulfill your role as wife?
I know many of us are home with little ones running around....and one thing I try very hard to do is show Jason that he is my first priority after my relationship with the Lord. This is often very hard with small children that need help with many things, but to take time to show him he's important. Do things that show love to him...whether it be his favorite meal, having a clean home, sprucing yourself up before he gets home, or a hot date after the kids go to bed. We can all make time for what's important and our husbands need to know it's them!! Tell him he's your hero!!
Over the next couple weeks, start doing the first steps, as outlined on p. 38 in your book. You WILL be blessed by these steps...and make them habits!!
And finally, ladies, I want to invite you to join our church-wide fast. If you are looking for a breakthrough in ANY aspect of your lives (and who doesn't need a breakthrough, somewhere?), take part in our fast, and look to God to show up in a big way!!! You will find spiritual, as well as physical results!! Take the plunge with us and expect great things!!!
Thanks for joining me today, and please have Chapter 2, Attending to Self-Care, read by January 20th.
The three main bullet points of this initial chapter are
* Turning to God
How can we do this?? Be still, Worship, Read the Bible, and Pray-allow God to speak to us!!
*Understanding your role
We are equal partners with our husbands. Enjoy recreation together, be friends. Be his helper. Encourage him, support him. Be his prayer warrior, pray for his strengths, weaknesses, and for both of you to be surrounded with godly friends.
*Sharing within a community of women
With humility....this means NO MEN BASHING! Be around women who speak highly of their husbands. Let's figure ourselves out first!! With transparency, being willing to be open and honest with a trusted friend. With accountability, that someone in our circle is holding us accountable to God and His very best for us.
Reflection Questions (If you haven't already, please take some time to answer these questions truthfully, and ask the Lord how He can mold you into the wife He created you to be!!)
1. When you find yourself in a difficult marriage situation, what is your first response? Who do you turn to first?
Do we run to our girlfriend first thing? Our parents? Friends, run to God. Seek His wisdom and answers. He is faithful, He is there ready!!
In times of conflict, our thoughts immediately run to...."well, he did this, he did that....". But instead, I'm learning to say "God, could I have handled myself better? What could I have done to simmer the conflict?". We will all stand before God one day to account of our behavior. Romans 14:12 tells us this. So, we can humble ourselves and ask the Lord....Have I done all I could do, to love him, encourage him, support him??? I have found this humility before the Lord and then before my husband, to apologize for my part brings forgiveness on both parties much quicker than when I am stubborn and "wait" for him to apologize.
2. Think of a situation in your marriage when you relied on your own understanding to solve a problem, rather than turning to God for help. What was the result? How did this impact you and your marriage?
3. Have you experienced a time when God has spoken to you through His Word? Record these and other verses that encourage you in your prayer journal.
I would encourage you to start a journal to write down things that God has shown you, or done for you and your family. Then, in times of trial...you can go back and reference what He has done. If you are in a season where God seems silent, you can remind yourselves of what He has done.
4 Do you regularly pray for your husband? Why or why not?
Our husbands NEED us!! We should be his #1 cheerleader, with the Lord, in public and private! Our home is a safe haven and comfort for them. The world is hard enough on them, let's be the place of rest and assurance for them every day!!
5. Have you experienced a time when God has answered prayers for you, your husband, or your marriage?
Write these awesome answered prayers in your journal!!
6. What's one small step you could take to actively fulfill your role as wife?
I know many of us are home with little ones running around....and one thing I try very hard to do is show Jason that he is my first priority after my relationship with the Lord. This is often very hard with small children that need help with many things, but to take time to show him he's important. Do things that show love to him...whether it be his favorite meal, having a clean home, sprucing yourself up before he gets home, or a hot date after the kids go to bed. We can all make time for what's important and our husbands need to know it's them!! Tell him he's your hero!!
Over the next couple weeks, start doing the first steps, as outlined on p. 38 in your book. You WILL be blessed by these steps...and make them habits!!
And finally, ladies, I want to invite you to join our church-wide fast. If you are looking for a breakthrough in ANY aspect of your lives (and who doesn't need a breakthrough, somewhere?), take part in our fast, and look to God to show up in a big way!!! You will find spiritual, as well as physical results!! Take the plunge with us and expect great things!!!
Thanks for joining me today, and please have Chapter 2, Attending to Self-Care, read by January 20th.
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