Chapter Seven....Opening Lines of Communication

Communication is something we can ALWAYS get better at, and something we can always learn more about.  Let's dive in, shall we?


*Be direct.  Ladies, he is not a mind reader, although I try to see if he can...things are SO much easier if I just spill it.
*Be kind.   The Bible tells us Love is patient, Love is kind in 1 Corinthians.
*Choose the proper time and place
         1. on a regular basis
         2. deal with issues as the arise, which eliminates the need for dynamite!!
*Listen
I use this verse all the time with my kids, James 1:19
Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
......listen actively
.....listen to understand

*Initiate Intentional Dialogue
Create that safe environment for your husband to share with you
Sandy mentions this IMAGO dialogue
~mirroring- "so you're saying", repeat back what he's said, NOT interpreting, but simply repeating
~validation-doesn't require you to agree-but to confirm what he said and begin to see it from his perspective
~empathy-letting go of your viewpoint and feeling what he feels.

Have you ever felt completely understood?  Think about how that makes you feel...
"You may be the tool God uses to unlock your husband's soul".  How exciting is that???

Reflection Questions
1.  Are you direct with your communication?  If not, why?

2.  Have you ever misinterpreted something your husband communicated?  What effect did this have on you?  Your husband?
I have realized that we process the things our husbands (and everyone, for that matter) say to us through our hurts and the eyes of that day.  If you have had previous hurts with men, a small comment from our husband could send us down a road that comment wasn't intended for.  If I'm having a bad day, a small comment hurts more than if I'm soaring high on my day.  I'm learning to truly listen to what he's said, not to interpret into more/less than he intended.

I have said it to myself and out loud, and I'm hoping you can say this as well....
(Jason) My husband is FOR ME!  We are on this team together.  
This has changed how I process him....we are working together to love well, to parent, to advance God's kingdom.
 
3.  How would you rate your listening skills?

4. Do you deal with issues as they arise, or do you stuff them away?  What is the cause of your procrastination?  What feelings do you experience when you put off communication?
I have the bend to be a boiling pot....meaning I keep it all inside until I'm about ready to explode.  Jason grew up in a home where things were communicated well and immediately...I have learned to deal with these issues sooner (when they are tiny and easily solved) before it's a monstrous event.
 
5.  When you communicate about an issue, are you kind?  If not, is this working for you?

6. Have you ever chosen an improper time and/or place to communicate with your husband?  What was the result?


Please look over the First Steps on p. 139 and have Chapter 8, Speaking Truth in Love, read by April 20th.