Really our day to day life can be boiled down to
choices, choices, choices
Can we really have it all??
What is the choice?
The choice is that we want God's best!! We want to align ourselves with God's Word , through our humility and obedience to what He speaks to us and what His Word tells us.
Where do you begin?
Target your attention to some place in these chapters that needs your care.
I want to encourage each one of you to make your marriage a priority. This often does not come naturally to most women; most of us will prioritize our children above our husbands. Now at times, their will be moments when our children do need our full attention and priority. But, the overwhelming attitude in our homes has to be that our husbands are the top priority. How can we do this??? through date nights, making hubby feel special, making yourself available for sex, taking care of yourself, valuing what he values, going to a sporting event with him, building him up about his job. There are endless ways to speak that love and priority to him. Think and pray about what speaks love to your husband....then do it!!!!
Speak this over yourself from Deut. 30:19
Today, God has given Jaime the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. I will choose life, that me and my descendants might live.
Don't forget to look over and answer the Reflection Questions at the end of the Chapter, as well as the First Steps on p. 222.
Ladies, we have done it! We are all the way through the book, The Beautiful Wife. I hope you have enjoyed the book and feel like you have grown through reading it. I would love to hear your thoughts on the book.....I hope it has blessed you and your marriages!!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Chapter Eleven....Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother
Ladies, being a wife and a mother are the 2 of the most challenging and important causes there are. There is nothing in this world that you do that would have a greater eternal impact than to love your husbands well, and in turn, love your children. I want to preface this chapter by saying I have (nor does Sandy) no agenda to rattle you working moms and pit us against one another. This chapter is simply to help you value your great role as a wife and mother. This has been my life verse and I know every woman reading this can apply this to however you spend your days.
And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him. Col 3:17
The Professional Wife's Strategy
*Talk to your boss-God!!
*Determine a vision for your role as wife
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education
*Find a mentor
The Professional Mother's Strategy for Success
* Establish unity with your colleague (your hubby)
~mutual respect
~resolving differences
*Talk to your boss-God!
*Determine a vision concerning your children
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education-remember when Sandy is referring to an education, she is not simply saying "get a college degree, etc", but surround yourselves with resources, books, sermons, cd's, etc that are in your "area" aka parenting, wifedom!! Jason's grandma is very complimentary of my parenting style and often asks "How do you know to do all that?". And frankly, I wasn't raised this way, so it wasn't "caught" growing up. But, I have a desire to raise my kids God's way, so that means reading my Bible to see what God says, reading books by respected Christian authors on how to navigate this road of parenting. We have chosen to raise our children around friends who choose to parent very similarly. I ask other moms whom I respect and admire how they handle similar situations. THIS is how you educate yourself.....
*Find a mentor-this is SO important and God tells us in Titus 2:3-5 that the older women are to come alongside the younger women
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God
Finally, ladies, speak this over yourself in the coming days:
My children arise and call me blessed; my husband also, and he praises me: “Many women do noble things, but I have surpassed them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
There is power in our words!!
Please, again look over those Reflection Questions and First steps located on p. 215. Please have our final chapter, Chapter 12, Choosing God's Best by our next serving time on June 16th. We will be wrapping up our study in 2 weeks!!
And whatever you do [no matter what it is] in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and in [dependence upon] His Person, giving praise to God the Father through Him. Col 3:17
The Professional Wife's Strategy
*Talk to your boss-God!!
*Determine a vision for your role as wife
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education
*Find a mentor
The Professional Mother's Strategy for Success
* Establish unity with your colleague (your hubby)
~mutual respect
~resolving differences
*Talk to your boss-God!
*Determine a vision concerning your children
*Develop a plan of action
*Get an education-remember when Sandy is referring to an education, she is not simply saying "get a college degree, etc", but surround yourselves with resources, books, sermons, cd's, etc that are in your "area" aka parenting, wifedom!! Jason's grandma is very complimentary of my parenting style and often asks "How do you know to do all that?". And frankly, I wasn't raised this way, so it wasn't "caught" growing up. But, I have a desire to raise my kids God's way, so that means reading my Bible to see what God says, reading books by respected Christian authors on how to navigate this road of parenting. We have chosen to raise our children around friends who choose to parent very similarly. I ask other moms whom I respect and admire how they handle similar situations. THIS is how you educate yourself.....
*Find a mentor-this is SO important and God tells us in Titus 2:3-5 that the older women are to come alongside the younger women
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God
Finally, ladies, speak this over yourself in the coming days:
My children arise and call me blessed; my husband also, and he praises me: “Many women do noble things, but I have surpassed them all. Proverbs 31:28-29
There is power in our words!!
Please, again look over those Reflection Questions and First steps located on p. 215. Please have our final chapter, Chapter 12, Choosing God's Best by our next serving time on June 16th. We will be wrapping up our study in 2 weeks!!
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Chapter Ten....Creating a Culture of Beauty
I really love this chapter, because I think as women, we have tremendous influence over the culture, climate and attitude of our homes. Having a welcoming, warm home allows us to show Christ's love-to our husbands, our children, and guests in our home.
Beauty's Expression
Are you romantic, adventurous serene?
*Uniquely you-Does your home reflect who you are, what you love, and the way you really live?
*Defining your expression-through color, nature, art, and objects
Beauty's Attitude
Like I said in the beginning, the woman can really make or break the beautiful environment in the home through her attitude
*Promote peace instead of quarreling-the Bible tells us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, I Peter 3:11)
*Cultivate contentment instead of complaining
Take it to God, focus on the positive. I read a wonderful book while ministering to a family member called Finding the Hero in your Husband, by Julianne Slatterly. She is affiliated with Focus on the Family and if you feel like this is a weak area for you, I can't recommend enough to read and pray for God to help you grow here!!
*Strive to be slow to anger instead of quick-tempered
Ask God to reveal the source of your anger, whether it be weariness, unresolved issues, etc.
*Set the temperature
You can decide the attitude of your home. It's as simple and hard as that. If I can tell this to our 2, 5, and 7 year olds, then surely as adults, we can choose as well!!
Beauty's focus
*Focus on your husband
*Focus on your children
1. the beauty of special memories
2. the beauty of the dinner table-Statistics are staggering at the benefits of that family connection time around the dinner table. If you are not doing this as a family, why not start now? Take that time to all gather together and share about your days.
*Focus on those in need
There is no greater way to get your mind off yourself, then by focusing on someone else's need!!
I LOVE talking about hospitality-I think this is really my spiritual gifting. I want my home to be a place where people can drop by-that I've kept it with excellence-but not so pristine that kids are afraid to play. As my kids get older, I want them to hang here with their friends. I want my kids to remember family meals together where we discussed our day and valued one another. If this is something that does not come easily for you or gets you feeling anxious just thinking about it, I want to encourage you to take a baby step this month. Take one small step that will help create the home environment your family deserves, and you deserve as well and see what God will do for all of you!!
I want to encourage you to insert your name in this scripture this week....speak this life-giving breath of fresh air over yourself!!
Jaime looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) Jaime will not eat.
Please take some time to look over and answer the Reflection Questions as well as the First Steps outlined on p. 196-197. Please have Chapter 11, Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother, ready by our next serving time on June 2nd.
Beauty's Expression
Are you romantic, adventurous serene?
*Uniquely you-Does your home reflect who you are, what you love, and the way you really live?
*Defining your expression-through color, nature, art, and objects
Beauty's Attitude
Like I said in the beginning, the woman can really make or break the beautiful environment in the home through her attitude
*Promote peace instead of quarreling-the Bible tells us to pursue peace (Psalm 34:14, 2 Timothy 2:22, Hebrews 12:14, I Peter 3:11)
*Cultivate contentment instead of complaining
Take it to God, focus on the positive. I read a wonderful book while ministering to a family member called Finding the Hero in your Husband, by Julianne Slatterly. She is affiliated with Focus on the Family and if you feel like this is a weak area for you, I can't recommend enough to read and pray for God to help you grow here!!
*Strive to be slow to anger instead of quick-tempered
Ask God to reveal the source of your anger, whether it be weariness, unresolved issues, etc.
*Set the temperature
You can decide the attitude of your home. It's as simple and hard as that. If I can tell this to our 2, 5, and 7 year olds, then surely as adults, we can choose as well!!
Beauty's focus
*Focus on your husband
*Focus on your children
1. the beauty of special memories
2. the beauty of the dinner table-Statistics are staggering at the benefits of that family connection time around the dinner table. If you are not doing this as a family, why not start now? Take that time to all gather together and share about your days.
*Focus on those in need
There is no greater way to get your mind off yourself, then by focusing on someone else's need!!
I LOVE talking about hospitality-I think this is really my spiritual gifting. I want my home to be a place where people can drop by-that I've kept it with excellence-but not so pristine that kids are afraid to play. As my kids get older, I want them to hang here with their friends. I want my kids to remember family meals together where we discussed our day and valued one another. If this is something that does not come easily for you or gets you feeling anxious just thinking about it, I want to encourage you to take a baby step this month. Take one small step that will help create the home environment your family deserves, and you deserve as well and see what God will do for all of you!!
I want to encourage you to insert your name in this scripture this week....speak this life-giving breath of fresh air over yourself!!
Jaime looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) Jaime will not eat.
Please take some time to look over and answer the Reflection Questions as well as the First Steps outlined on p. 196-197. Please have Chapter 11, Professionalizing the Roles of Wife and Mother, ready by our next serving time on June 2nd.
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Chapter Nine.....Managing Money
I don't know if you thought the Beautiful Wife would be diving into the area of your finances, but here we go!!!
Many thoughts we have about money stem from our childhood, whether it was full of plenty or lack.
God's Financial Plan
There are over 2000 verses in the Bible that talk about money! The truth is, we are simply stewards of the money God funnels through us. So, how should we be handling this resource?
*Giving-We have great great teaching at Res regarding our finances. If you have sat in that sanctuary any length of time, you have heard this, but it's a great refresher!
Percentage-giving the tithe to God 10%. In Malachi, it's the one place God asks us to test Him. If you have not done this yet, I want to encourage you to test God and see....
Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. Mal 3:10
Priority-giving God his 10%, but the FIRST tenth, not if there is enough left over!!
Progressive-giving more and more as you are blessed!!
*Debt-free-The Bible is clear, the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7). We live in a credit card, keeping up with the Joneses society. Here are Sandy's suggestions if you are wallowing in credit card debt
1. Cut up your credit cards, or use one that requires a full payment.
2. Remove Temptation
3. End Impulse buying
4. Find a financial accountability partner
***if you find yourself in this situation, there are Dave Ramsey classes going on at Res on a continual basis. There is hope and you are able to turn that situation around and be a testimony to others!!***
*Contentment....Comparison is really our greatest enemy
~Adjust your vision-think of eternal impact when you are spending your money
~Give thanks-it is frankly hard to be discontent when you are focused on all God has done/given you. If you want to ramp up your thanks....get Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. You will be so blessed and your thinking will be challenged.
Prepare a spending plan
Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, there are many Christian financial courses to set you up for success!
Most of you, if you examine yourselves will find between you and your spouse, one is a spender and one is a saver. Now, this often causes conflict, but just think, if you were both one or the other, the balance would be way off!!
~Track your spending for one month-to the penny. You will be amazed at where your money is going, and probably not where you thought!
~Determine leaks-does your out not equal your in??
~Build an emergency fund
~Tackle that debt
^Pay your bills on time
^Determine your financial goals. God's Word says
Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish. (Prov 29:18)
I've really been struck with this thought lately, I keep hearing it over and over again in my reading books, the Word, and pastors. Not even just financial, but spiritual, personal, family, etc. I don't want to aimlessly meander through life without having goals about the great future God has for us!!
^Caring for your children
A good man leaves an inheritance [of moral stability and goodness] to his children’s children. (Proverbs 13:22)
Growing through Financial Crisis
If you find yourself in a tough situation, look to the Lord for every answer. Do all you can to line yourself up with His Word and situate yourselves to receive His blessings. God is able!!
Remember to look over the Questions and First Steps on p. 179-180. Please have Chapter 10, Creating a Culture of Beauty, read by May 19th.
Many thoughts we have about money stem from our childhood, whether it was full of plenty or lack.
God's Financial Plan
There are over 2000 verses in the Bible that talk about money! The truth is, we are simply stewards of the money God funnels through us. So, how should we be handling this resource?
*Giving-We have great great teaching at Res regarding our finances. If you have sat in that sanctuary any length of time, you have heard this, but it's a great refresher!
Percentage-giving the tithe to God 10%. In Malachi, it's the one place God asks us to test Him. If you have not done this yet, I want to encourage you to test God and see....
Bring all the tithes (the whole tenth of your income) into the storehouse, that there may be food in My house, and prove Me now by it, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it. Mal 3:10
Priority-giving God his 10%, but the FIRST tenth, not if there is enough left over!!
Progressive-giving more and more as you are blessed!!
*Debt-free-The Bible is clear, the borrower is servant to the lender (Prov. 22:7). We live in a credit card, keeping up with the Joneses society. Here are Sandy's suggestions if you are wallowing in credit card debt
1. Cut up your credit cards, or use one that requires a full payment.
2. Remove Temptation
3. End Impulse buying
4. Find a financial accountability partner
***if you find yourself in this situation, there are Dave Ramsey classes going on at Res on a continual basis. There is hope and you are able to turn that situation around and be a testimony to others!!***
*Contentment....Comparison is really our greatest enemy
~Adjust your vision-think of eternal impact when you are spending your money
~Give thanks-it is frankly hard to be discontent when you are focused on all God has done/given you. If you want to ramp up your thanks....get Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts. You will be so blessed and your thinking will be challenged.
Prepare a spending plan
Dave Ramsey, Crown Financial, there are many Christian financial courses to set you up for success!
Most of you, if you examine yourselves will find between you and your spouse, one is a spender and one is a saver. Now, this often causes conflict, but just think, if you were both one or the other, the balance would be way off!!
~Track your spending for one month-to the penny. You will be amazed at where your money is going, and probably not where you thought!
~Determine leaks-does your out not equal your in??
~Build an emergency fund
~Tackle that debt
^Pay your bills on time
^Determine your financial goals. God's Word says
Where there is no vision [no redemptive revelation of God], the people perish. (Prov 29:18)
I've really been struck with this thought lately, I keep hearing it over and over again in my reading books, the Word, and pastors. Not even just financial, but spiritual, personal, family, etc. I don't want to aimlessly meander through life without having goals about the great future God has for us!!
^Caring for your children
A good man leaves an inheritance [of moral stability and goodness] to his children’s children. (Proverbs 13:22)
Growing through Financial Crisis
If you find yourself in a tough situation, look to the Lord for every answer. Do all you can to line yourself up with His Word and situate yourselves to receive His blessings. God is able!!
Remember to look over the Questions and First Steps on p. 179-180. Please have Chapter 10, Creating a Culture of Beauty, read by May 19th.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Chapter Eight...Speaking Truth in Love
"Apart from God, a marriage-saving love is not within us"....Max Lucado
The Bible tells us we will have trouble. So, how can we speak the truth in love to our spouse...
*Identify the Truth
The Truth about him
-his behavior, is it sinning or just annoying? Study God's Word
Watch this short 3 minute video from Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect, entitled, "Why Your Spouse May Irritate you".
The Truth about you
- are you so focused on him, you haven't looked at your own part? How many Proverbs deal with the nagging wife?? Here are just a few...
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman. Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation Prov 21:19
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman. Proverbs 25:24
A continual dripping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike;
*Speaking
4 Types of Communication-only 1 of these is healthy
1. Passive behavior-doing nothing, dishonesty, silence, prizing peace and acceptance above truth
2. Aggressive behavior-combat ready, Insults and profanity, Blame and Sarcasm
3. Passive Aggressive Behavior-jokes and snide remarks, forgetfulness, silent treatment
4. Assertive Behavior-Honesty
I feel _____ when you _________
I feel comforted when you ___________________
I feel cherished when you ______________________
Respect-Ephesians 5:33 says
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
There is no (unless he doesn't deserve it....) clause in this verse......Just do it!! Whether they deserve it or not! In less than 10 words! And ladies, talk about him respectfully as well. What greater honor to your husband than to praise him in front of your children and friends. Avoid talking about any marital issues to your parents....they are just wired to be protective of their own and grudges die hard with parents. It is always best discussed with a godly woman outside close family circles.
Patience-God's timing is perfect, and His ways are not our ways
The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises 2 Peter 3:9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord Isaiah 55:8
*Putting it all together
This Chapter had SO many good nuggets. Whether you've heard it once or many times, they are good reminders for us. And I've included LOTS of scripture references for you this week. Ladies, if our lives are not anchored on the Word, it's shifting sand. I have such a deep desire to hide His word in my heart so that I might have it only my lips in that opportune time. Let this soak into your soul and nourish it!! I'm not going to write our the reflection questions this week, just because I have already gone on quite a bit....please take the time to look over them, as well as the First Steps, located on p. 161.
Please have Chapter Nine, Managing Money read by our next serving time, May 5th!!
The Bible tells us we will have trouble. So, how can we speak the truth in love to our spouse...
*Identify the Truth
The Truth about him
-his behavior, is it sinning or just annoying? Study God's Word
Watch this short 3 minute video from Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect, entitled, "Why Your Spouse May Irritate you".
The Truth about you
- are you so focused on him, you haven't looked at your own part? How many Proverbs deal with the nagging wife?? Here are just a few...
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman. Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a desert land than with a contentious woman and with vexation Prov 21:19
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop than to share a house with a disagreeing, quarrelsome, and scolding woman. Proverbs 25:24
A continual dripping on a day of violent showers and a contentious woman are alike;
Whoever
attempts to restrain [a contentious woman] might as well try to stop
the wind—his right hand encounters oil [and she slips through his
fingers]. Provebs 27:15-16
-until you look here, you may be standing in the way of progress, growth, and healing in your marriage
YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF!!
I really like this illustration Sandy uses talking about us getting out of the way so that God can deal with our husbands. When we continually place ourselves there (trying to be his Holy Spirit), we block God from doing what only He can do anyways!
Obeying God's Truth
Ask God for wisdom, seek counsel from a wise Christian woman or Christian counselor
*In Love
I Cor 13:4-7 is power packed and a high standard!!
Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and
everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every
person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures
everything [without weakening].
-God loves you!!
This was SUCH an incredible revelation to me in the past few years-His extravagant love for me. This has freed me and helped me to love Jason better in turn-because I understand who I am!!
-Exchange your pain for God's love
-Putting love into action
1. forgive
2. remind yourself why you loved him in the first place
3. find concrete and small way to show love every day
*Speaking
4 Types of Communication-only 1 of these is healthy
1. Passive behavior-doing nothing, dishonesty, silence, prizing peace and acceptance above truth
2. Aggressive behavior-combat ready, Insults and profanity, Blame and Sarcasm
3. Passive Aggressive Behavior-jokes and snide remarks, forgetfulness, silent treatment
4. Assertive Behavior-Honesty
I feel _____ when you _________
I feel cherished when you ______________________
Respect-Ephesians 5:33 says
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
There is no (unless he doesn't deserve it....) clause in this verse......Just do it!! Whether they deserve it or not! In less than 10 words! And ladies, talk about him respectfully as well. What greater honor to your husband than to praise him in front of your children and friends. Avoid talking about any marital issues to your parents....they are just wired to be protective of their own and grudges die hard with parents. It is always best discussed with a godly woman outside close family circles.
Patience-God's timing is perfect, and His ways are not our ways
The Lord does not delay and is not tardy or slow about what He promises 2 Peter 3:9
For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, says the Lord Isaiah 55:8
*Putting it all together
This Chapter had SO many good nuggets. Whether you've heard it once or many times, they are good reminders for us. And I've included LOTS of scripture references for you this week. Ladies, if our lives are not anchored on the Word, it's shifting sand. I have such a deep desire to hide His word in my heart so that I might have it only my lips in that opportune time. Let this soak into your soul and nourish it!! I'm not going to write our the reflection questions this week, just because I have already gone on quite a bit....please take the time to look over them, as well as the First Steps, located on p. 161.
Please have Chapter Nine, Managing Money read by our next serving time, May 5th!!
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Chapter Seven....Opening Lines of Communication
Communication is something we can ALWAYS get better at, and something we can always learn more about. Let's dive in, shall we?
*Be direct. Ladies, he is not a mind reader, although I try to see if he can...things are SO much easier if I just spill it.
*Be kind. The Bible tells us Love is patient, Love is kind in 1 Corinthians.
*Choose the proper time and place
1. on a regular basis
2. deal with issues as the arise, which eliminates the need for dynamite!!
*Listen
I use this verse all the time with my kids, James 1:19
Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
......listen actively
.....listen to understand
*Initiate Intentional Dialogue
Create that safe environment for your husband to share with you
Sandy mentions this IMAGO dialogue
~mirroring- "so you're saying", repeat back what he's said, NOT interpreting, but simply repeating
~validation-doesn't require you to agree-but to confirm what he said and begin to see it from his perspective
~empathy-letting go of your viewpoint and feeling what he feels.
Have you ever felt completely understood? Think about how that makes you feel...
"You may be the tool God uses to unlock your husband's soul". How exciting is that???
Reflection Questions
1. Are you direct with your communication? If not, why?
2. Have you ever misinterpreted something your husband communicated? What effect did this have on you? Your husband?
I have realized that we process the things our husbands (and everyone, for that matter) say to us through our hurts and the eyes of that day. If you have had previous hurts with men, a small comment from our husband could send us down a road that comment wasn't intended for. If I'm having a bad day, a small comment hurts more than if I'm soaring high on my day. I'm learning to truly listen to what he's said, not to interpret into more/less than he intended.
I have said it to myself and out loud, and I'm hoping you can say this as well....
(Jason) My husband is FOR ME! We are on this team together.
This has changed how I process him....we are working together to love well, to parent, to advance God's kingdom.
3. How would you rate your listening skills?
4. Do you deal with issues as they arise, or do you stuff them away? What is the cause of your procrastination? What feelings do you experience when you put off communication?
I have the bend to be a boiling pot....meaning I keep it all inside until I'm about ready to explode. Jason grew up in a home where things were communicated well and immediately...I have learned to deal with these issues sooner (when they are tiny and easily solved) before it's a monstrous event.
5. When you communicate about an issue, are you kind? If not, is this working for you?
6. Have you ever chosen an improper time and/or place to communicate with your husband? What was the result?
Please look over the First Steps on p. 139 and have Chapter 8, Speaking Truth in Love, read by April 20th.
*Be direct. Ladies, he is not a mind reader, although I try to see if he can...things are SO much easier if I just spill it.
*Be kind. The Bible tells us Love is patient, Love is kind in 1 Corinthians.
*Choose the proper time and place
1. on a regular basis
2. deal with issues as the arise, which eliminates the need for dynamite!!
*Listen
I use this verse all the time with my kids, James 1:19
Let every man be quick to hear (a ready listener), slow to speak, slow to take offense and to get angry.
......listen actively
.....listen to understand
*Initiate Intentional Dialogue
Create that safe environment for your husband to share with you
Sandy mentions this IMAGO dialogue
~mirroring- "so you're saying", repeat back what he's said, NOT interpreting, but simply repeating
~validation-doesn't require you to agree-but to confirm what he said and begin to see it from his perspective
~empathy-letting go of your viewpoint and feeling what he feels.
Have you ever felt completely understood? Think about how that makes you feel...
"You may be the tool God uses to unlock your husband's soul". How exciting is that???
Reflection Questions
1. Are you direct with your communication? If not, why?
2. Have you ever misinterpreted something your husband communicated? What effect did this have on you? Your husband?
I have realized that we process the things our husbands (and everyone, for that matter) say to us through our hurts and the eyes of that day. If you have had previous hurts with men, a small comment from our husband could send us down a road that comment wasn't intended for. If I'm having a bad day, a small comment hurts more than if I'm soaring high on my day. I'm learning to truly listen to what he's said, not to interpret into more/less than he intended.
I have said it to myself and out loud, and I'm hoping you can say this as well....
(Jason) My husband is FOR ME! We are on this team together.
This has changed how I process him....we are working together to love well, to parent, to advance God's kingdom.
3. How would you rate your listening skills?
4. Do you deal with issues as they arise, or do you stuff them away? What is the cause of your procrastination? What feelings do you experience when you put off communication?
I have the bend to be a boiling pot....meaning I keep it all inside until I'm about ready to explode. Jason grew up in a home where things were communicated well and immediately...I have learned to deal with these issues sooner (when they are tiny and easily solved) before it's a monstrous event.
5. When you communicate about an issue, are you kind? If not, is this working for you?
6. Have you ever chosen an improper time and/or place to communicate with your husband? What was the result?
Please look over the First Steps on p. 139 and have Chapter 8, Speaking Truth in Love, read by April 20th.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Chapter Six....Thinking Differently About Sex
While this might be everyone's most uncomfortable chapter to read and think about, it is one of the top 3 issues that couples argue about. So, let's uncover what God thinks, what we think, and what our husbands think....then decide if we need to change the way we think in order to line up with what God says!!
Change the way you think
What does God think about sex?
God outlines six purposes for sex
1. Creation of life
2. Oneness-sex is the glue!! and holds you together through joys and struggles
3. Knowledge-deeper levels of intimacy When you are known-it brings joy!!
4. Pleasure
5. Protection from temptation-we should not deprive our spouse 1 Cor 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.
I will always remember Jimmy Evans remarking that sex is like spiritual warfare. It is the devil's desire to separate man and wife and to cause strife!
6. Comfort-from the stresses and sorrows of life
What does your husband think about sex?
His thoughts about his desire are not just physical-they are emotional as well. He wants you to need him!!
Sandy shares, "A sexually satisfied husband is likely to move mountains on behalf of the wife who fulfills him".
This can easily be compared to a woman's need for communication.
1. Sex will make him feel loved and desired
2. Sex will give him confidence
His lack of desire and/or unusual sexual behavior
There can by physical factors, physiological factors, medical conditions. First and foremost, pray about it, and seek help if necessary.
His thoughts about your body
He is visual and he wants to see you naked!!
What do you think about sex?
Your thoughts about it and its importance
Are you weary and its the last thing on your mind? Are you withholding sex?
"You have the power to dismantle barriers between you and your husband by entering joyfully into sexual union with him, even in light of your unmet needs"
Your thoughts about past hurts
Improving your sex life
Prioritizing your commitments-exhaustion is just so common in our high speed culture MAKE TIME
Getting in the mood
Seducing your husband-Visuals, Touch, Scent, Music
I want to encourage you to really spend some time letting this information sink in, and that you would open a conversation with your husband regarding your sex life. EVEN IF you feel like your needs are not being met, why not take a step of faith and start meeting his, and you will find he will start filling those empty places. If what you are doing now isn't working, why not try something different and see if you can't give your relationship a jump start and a fresh fire!!
Remember to look over and answer the Reflection Questions on p. 124 and the First Steps following. Please have the next chapter, Opening Lines of Communication read by April 6th.
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