Sunday, March 17, 2013
Chapter Six....Thinking Differently About Sex
While this might be everyone's most uncomfortable chapter to read and think about, it is one of the top 3 issues that couples argue about. So, let's uncover what God thinks, what we think, and what our husbands think....then decide if we need to change the way we think in order to line up with what God says!!
Change the way you think
What does God think about sex?
God outlines six purposes for sex
1. Creation of life
2. Oneness-sex is the glue!! and holds you together through joys and struggles
3. Knowledge-deeper levels of intimacy When you are known-it brings joy!!
4. Pleasure
5. Protection from temptation-we should not deprive our spouse 1 Cor 7:3-5
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.
I will always remember Jimmy Evans remarking that sex is like spiritual warfare. It is the devil's desire to separate man and wife and to cause strife!
6. Comfort-from the stresses and sorrows of life
What does your husband think about sex?
His thoughts about his desire are not just physical-they are emotional as well. He wants you to need him!!
Sandy shares, "A sexually satisfied husband is likely to move mountains on behalf of the wife who fulfills him".
This can easily be compared to a woman's need for communication.
1. Sex will make him feel loved and desired
2. Sex will give him confidence
His lack of desire and/or unusual sexual behavior
There can by physical factors, physiological factors, medical conditions. First and foremost, pray about it, and seek help if necessary.
His thoughts about your body
He is visual and he wants to see you naked!!
What do you think about sex?
Your thoughts about it and its importance
Are you weary and its the last thing on your mind? Are you withholding sex?
"You have the power to dismantle barriers between you and your husband by entering joyfully into sexual union with him, even in light of your unmet needs"
Your thoughts about past hurts
Improving your sex life
Prioritizing your commitments-exhaustion is just so common in our high speed culture MAKE TIME
Getting in the mood
Seducing your husband-Visuals, Touch, Scent, Music
I want to encourage you to really spend some time letting this information sink in, and that you would open a conversation with your husband regarding your sex life. EVEN IF you feel like your needs are not being met, why not take a step of faith and start meeting his, and you will find he will start filling those empty places. If what you are doing now isn't working, why not try something different and see if you can't give your relationship a jump start and a fresh fire!!
Remember to look over and answer the Reflection Questions on p. 124 and the First Steps following. Please have the next chapter, Opening Lines of Communication read by April 6th.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Chapter Five.....Inviting Romance
Ladies, thanks for sticking with me thus far. There is something to be said about perseverance and not giving up. God has something for EACH one of us as we journey through this book!!
Sandy asks us a very important question at the beginning of this chapter...
Are your words or actions stumbling blocks or invitations to your husband to join you in a romantic relationship?
Five steps to change your actions and invite your husband into greater romance TRACE
Trust instead of control
Respect instead of demean
Appreciate instead of criticize
Confer confidence instead of doubt
Expose vulnerability instead of defensiveness
T Do I correct my husband? Do I instruct my husband? Do I try to improve my husband?
Time to relinquish control and Trust God
When we do these above behaviors, we speak the following messages to our husbands
You didn't do it right. You don't know how to do it. You didn't do it well enough
This control is often rooted in fear, which the root of fear is often selfishness. And selfishness does not lend itself to invite your husband to romance.
How can we change? Expose your fear, repent and turn to God when you feel the urge to control.
R Tit for tat
We think disrespect will motivate our husbands.
Consider the chickens' way
Consider your husband's way
When a man is confident in your opinion of him-he can relax with you and drop his walls. He can then let you in-he is safe-valued and respected. Where there is safety, intimacy can grow.
A The male ego is fragile, no matter how bravado your husband may come across. Inside, he is looking for affirmation and appreciation. Most men cannot live without it!! They will seek validation where they can find it. Let this validation and appreciation come from our lips and hearts and not another!!
C Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
At home.....On the job.....In his dreams, Let's speak confidence to our men!!
E Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm hurt"-Remind yourselves that God will defend and protect you
if you put your trust in Him. (Please, if you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is not my suggestion for you to stay in this relationship. Please seek help.)
Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm not perfect" Our facade keeps us from intimacy, and keeps our husbands from knowing the real us!!
Sometimes vulnerability says "You may have a point". When we are defensive, we take away the advantage a 2nd perspective offers you, and discredits his words.
This week I want to encourage you to look over and pray over the reflection questions yourselves. Many are very personal in nature, and I think it best to not discuss it all over the internet. If any of you would like to share with me in private, I welcome the discussion. I think the questions are quite poignant and helpful in discovering ways we have either built bridges or torn them down with our husbands. I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will speak to each one of you as you seek Him first!
And now for something fun.....
Here is a pic from our wedding, almost 10 years ago.
These are a few of the things that first attracted me to Jason...
He was FUN! He always knew how to make me smile, and he just enjoys life! He has helped me relax....so much!!
He was a GENTLEMAN. I loved the way he cared for me, opened doors for me, sent me flowers, spoke words of affirmation to me.
He was WELL DRESSED. I know this is rather superfcial, but I loved that he always knew how to look nice. I loved that he didn't need any woman's help to look dashing!!
He had a GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. He loved them, honored them, and spoke highly of them.
And most importantly of all, HE LOVED THE LORD. There was no greater "requirement" in my book and I was so excited to meet him and know there were still "good guys" out there!!
Would you do the same for me?? Comment on this post below with your desire to do the same, and you can email me a pic from your wedding with what first attracted you to your husband, and I will feature you in a blog post. Come on ladies, don't be shy. Let's remember what first drew us to them!!
Please remember to look over the First Steps, located on p. 106 in your books. Please have Chapter 6, Think Differently About Sex, read by our next serving time, on March 17th.
Sandy asks us a very important question at the beginning of this chapter...
Are your words or actions stumbling blocks or invitations to your husband to join you in a romantic relationship?
Five steps to change your actions and invite your husband into greater romance TRACE
Trust instead of control
Respect instead of demean
Appreciate instead of criticize
Confer confidence instead of doubt
Expose vulnerability instead of defensiveness
T Do I correct my husband? Do I instruct my husband? Do I try to improve my husband?
Time to relinquish control and Trust God
When we do these above behaviors, we speak the following messages to our husbands
You didn't do it right. You don't know how to do it. You didn't do it well enough
This control is often rooted in fear, which the root of fear is often selfishness. And selfishness does not lend itself to invite your husband to romance.
How can we change? Expose your fear, repent and turn to God when you feel the urge to control.
R Tit for tat
We think disrespect will motivate our husbands.
Consider the chickens' way
Consider your husband's way
When a man is confident in your opinion of him-he can relax with you and drop his walls. He can then let you in-he is safe-valued and respected. Where there is safety, intimacy can grow.
A The male ego is fragile, no matter how bravado your husband may come across. Inside, he is looking for affirmation and appreciation. Most men cannot live without it!! They will seek validation where they can find it. Let this validation and appreciation come from our lips and hearts and not another!!
C Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
At home.....On the job.....In his dreams, Let's speak confidence to our men!!
E Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm hurt"-Remind yourselves that God will defend and protect you
if you put your trust in Him. (Please, if you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is not my suggestion for you to stay in this relationship. Please seek help.)
Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm not perfect" Our facade keeps us from intimacy, and keeps our husbands from knowing the real us!!
Sometimes vulnerability says "You may have a point". When we are defensive, we take away the advantage a 2nd perspective offers you, and discredits his words.
This week I want to encourage you to look over and pray over the reflection questions yourselves. Many are very personal in nature, and I think it best to not discuss it all over the internet. If any of you would like to share with me in private, I welcome the discussion. I think the questions are quite poignant and helpful in discovering ways we have either built bridges or torn them down with our husbands. I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will speak to each one of you as you seek Him first!
And now for something fun.....
Here is a pic from our wedding, almost 10 years ago.
He was FUN! He always knew how to make me smile, and he just enjoys life! He has helped me relax....so much!!
He was a GENTLEMAN. I loved the way he cared for me, opened doors for me, sent me flowers, spoke words of affirmation to me.
He was WELL DRESSED. I know this is rather superfcial, but I loved that he always knew how to look nice. I loved that he didn't need any woman's help to look dashing!!
He had a GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. He loved them, honored them, and spoke highly of them.
And most importantly of all, HE LOVED THE LORD. There was no greater "requirement" in my book and I was so excited to meet him and know there were still "good guys" out there!!
Would you do the same for me?? Comment on this post below with your desire to do the same, and you can email me a pic from your wedding with what first attracted you to your husband, and I will feature you in a blog post. Come on ladies, don't be shy. Let's remember what first drew us to them!!
Please remember to look over the First Steps, located on p. 106 in your books. Please have Chapter 6, Think Differently About Sex, read by our next serving time, on March 17th.
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