Sandy asks us a very important question at the beginning of this chapter...
Are your words or actions stumbling blocks or invitations to your husband to join you in a romantic relationship?
Five steps to change your actions and invite your husband into greater romance TRACE
Trust instead of control
Respect instead of demean
Appreciate instead of criticize
Confer confidence instead of doubt
Expose vulnerability instead of defensiveness
T Do I correct my husband? Do I instruct my husband? Do I try to improve my husband?
Time to relinquish control and Trust God
When we do these above behaviors, we speak the following messages to our husbands
You didn't do it right. You don't know how to do it. You didn't do it well enough
This control is often rooted in fear, which the root of fear is often selfishness. And selfishness does not lend itself to invite your husband to romance.
How can we change? Expose your fear, repent and turn to God when you feel the urge to control.
R Tit for tat
We think disrespect will motivate our husbands.
Consider the chickens' way
Consider your husband's way
When a man is confident in your opinion of him-he can relax with you and drop his walls. He can then let you in-he is safe-valued and respected. Where there is safety, intimacy can grow.
A The male ego is fragile, no matter how bravado your husband may come across. Inside, he is looking for affirmation and appreciation. Most men cannot live without it!! They will seek validation where they can find it. Let this validation and appreciation come from our lips and hearts and not another!!
C Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.
At home.....On the job.....In his dreams, Let's speak confidence to our men!!
E Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm hurt"-Remind yourselves that God will defend and protect you
if you put your trust in Him. (Please, if you are in any sort of abusive relationship, it is not my suggestion for you to stay in this relationship. Please seek help.)
Sometimes vulnerability says "I'm not perfect" Our facade keeps us from intimacy, and keeps our husbands from knowing the real us!!
Sometimes vulnerability says "You may have a point". When we are defensive, we take away the advantage a 2nd perspective offers you, and discredits his words.
This week I want to encourage you to look over and pray over the reflection questions yourselves. Many are very personal in nature, and I think it best to not discuss it all over the internet. If any of you would like to share with me in private, I welcome the discussion. I think the questions are quite poignant and helpful in discovering ways we have either built bridges or torn them down with our husbands. I pray right now that the Holy Spirit will speak to each one of you as you seek Him first!
And now for something fun.....
Here is a pic from our wedding, almost 10 years ago.
He was FUN! He always knew how to make me smile, and he just enjoys life! He has helped me relax....so much!!
He was a GENTLEMAN. I loved the way he cared for me, opened doors for me, sent me flowers, spoke words of affirmation to me.
He was WELL DRESSED. I know this is rather superfcial, but I loved that he always knew how to look nice. I loved that he didn't need any woman's help to look dashing!!
He had a GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS PARENTS. He loved them, honored them, and spoke highly of them.
And most importantly of all, HE LOVED THE LORD. There was no greater "requirement" in my book and I was so excited to meet him and know there were still "good guys" out there!!
Would you do the same for me?? Comment on this post below with your desire to do the same, and you can email me a pic from your wedding with what first attracted you to your husband, and I will feature you in a blog post. Come on ladies, don't be shy. Let's remember what first drew us to them!!
Please remember to look over the First Steps, located on p. 106 in your books. Please have Chapter 6, Think Differently About Sex, read by our next serving time, on March 17th.
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